She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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