She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
