I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
