Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
