As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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