the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
