So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize