Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
