So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
