so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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