Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
