I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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