his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
