I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
