In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
