Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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