We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
