i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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