Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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