his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
