I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
