Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
