I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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