It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize