It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
