Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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