tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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