I wish I could punch you in the face.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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