did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
