i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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