It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
