You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
