I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
