it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
