can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
