thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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