She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
