he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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