I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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