that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
