Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
