so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
