There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
