home. puking in laundry basket.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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