Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
