Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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