I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Found your dick twin last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
