i think my tv is drunk
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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