Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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