yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
