New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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