dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
