you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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