I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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