It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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