Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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