You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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