I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
