Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
