apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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