I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
