I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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