I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
