before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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