when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
