Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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