There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
