I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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