chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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