I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
