i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
