I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
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